Our stress responses happen first in our bodies before they register in our brains, which is why self-regulation and development needs to start from how we "organize" our bodies. Though thinking rationally is in itself a kind of self-regulation which we can use to steady our responses at times, it easily gets over-turned by our emotional responses to stresses, triggers, threats and unresolved traumas. By then, your biology has been hijacked and you likely are saying or doing things reactively.
As social-emotional creatures, we orient around our relationships. Without the ability to self-regulate, it’s natural to either crumble, hide or armor under the duress that is inevitable when we are triggered by those around us. Time constraints, lack of clarity, modern living and social isolation amplify our disconnect and we are left unable to tap our full intelligence to sense, feel and think about our choices through informed perspective. This total alienation of self, other and our environments is creating a broken system, designed by broken people.
But, why bother 'feeling' when it sucks most of the time?
Well, because to feel the good stuff, you have to feel the icky stuff too. This is not my opinion, this is science.
When I say "feeling", we are not indulging in the exercise of describing every childhood trauma you've experienced. Nor are we swimming in emotional soup. 'Feeling' is a sensation in it's purity, before you've put thoughts to what those butterflies in your stomach may mean. Getting acquainted with how your body reacts to stressful and pleasant situations gives you the vocabulary to make sense of what makes up 'you' and all of your kinks. So that instead of sweeping some of those feelings under the rug or gritting it out -- you're making sense of how to organize differently around those triggers from a more resourceful place. So you can change and become the version of yourself you want to become when life hits you hard. Because it will.
Your ability to manage anxiety, overwhelm and discomfort is an obtainable capacity but often lost on us if we never grasped the mindset or made time to practice the tools . Being able to self-manage with a high degree to self-awareness and self-regulation is a felt experience, not a mental game. There’s no “thinking yourself different” — there’s only moving towards a difference; one that you can feel, see and embody to sustain.
My passion lies in helping others increase their sensing intelligence, design systems for change and craft the life and work that makes them feel most alive and fulfilled.
What it might look like:
- Taking a stand without needing to attack others or seek approval
- Having control over outbursts without shutting down your emotions
- Trusting your gut around decision-making from an inner knowing
- Shifting away from feeling numb, tight or rushed towards feeling more fluid and alive
- Having a relationship with yourself that feels sincere, honest and connected so that you can show up to your relationships with the same connection
- Have more presence and engagement and less analysis paralysis or mental chatter
- Finding a way to incorporate sustainable change tools and markers that you haven’t been able to access through other mindfulness systems or therapy
